I am very nervous. Things are becoming very realistic. We are about to be freakin parents. I think we will be wonderful parents, but seriously? Parents. I am 24-I didn’t expect this for like 3 or 4 more years.
J.Tom and I have spent more time together in the last 4 weeks (with him being home due to his back and me of course not being in school or working…) than we have ever in our relationship history- it has been truly amazing and I am convinced a blessing. We have talked for hours about everything under the sun, snuggled, and relayed our fears of the future. When the baby comes, I am going to miss that but we will do everything we can to keep that relationship. Babies are hard work- maybe they are blissful and wonderful when they are born but then they become frustrating and exhausting. I know that only lasts a little while and it will end eventually, but that is real stress and can prove how strong your marriage is; how strong you are. I know our marriage is strong enough to survive it; we are really great together and know how to work out our issues. We communicate well and are not afraid to talk about everything with the other. But there is still that fear that things will become chaotic and we will lose sight of each other in the long run. It happens to people ever day; but then I also know not every married couple has the strength and faith that we have and that faith is what lets me know we will be better than fine.
Then, my other fear is this whole childbirth thing… I am/we are mentally prepared for anything- natural, epidural, maybe even a CSection if they can convince me it is absolutely necessary. But it is still pretty horrifying! What if I get stuck at like 4 or 5 cm for hours with contractions that are only like a min apart?-oh yea, I can get an epidural 😉 Or what if I have back labor like some of my friends? And then, what if I get the epidural because of the pain and then labor completely stalls and the doctor says we have to do a CSection? If I could just KNOW what was going to happen, regardless of what it was, I would feel much better. All this unpredictability is a little nerve racking.
I keep saying I am ready for some progress- FYI, this does not mean I am ready for the baby to come! Progress would just ease my mind… I don’t even know why. But up until like, oh I don’t know, yesterday, I have been “prepared” for this. Well, I’m really not. I mean, I have confidence in my body, the baby, the doctor, J.Tom, and epidurals/medicines if I need them, but I just don’t know what to expect and it is bothering me. I know once everything starts happening it will fall into place and things will be fine. I also know that if I can’t make it through without pain meds it isn’t the end of the world, (it’s not like I want to do it to prove how strong I am. I am a self declared wimp!) but you see I am a planner and over-analyzer. And I analyze what could happen, and I just want to avoid those possibilities. But can you really do that, avoid the inevitable? I don’t think so… yes to some extent you can make certain choices that lead to certain outcomes, but in the same respect there are things you cannot control. Man, I hate that too-I like knowing I can make my own decisions based on my educated ideas. And I have overly educated myself on pregnancy and childbirth.
I should probably start focusing on what to do after the baby comes. Haha-I have no idea what to do with her. Newborns are pretty simple and yet complicated. Feed em, change em, put them down to sleep… yadda yadda yadda. But when they can’t sleep, get sick, have gas, are colicky, won’t latch on right during breastfeeding, you are beyond exhausted, need a shower and have chores to do, infants and life become VERY complicated.
Yes, I know everything will work itself out. These are normal first time parent fears and I don’t need anyone to tell me it will be fine, because I already know it will be fine. But I also know it is realistic, and realistically life is about to get interesting.
On a different note, I had an amazing shower with my girlfriends Sunday! They went above and beyond; Lexie and I cannot thank them enough! They worked so hard and it def showed! So, here are some pictures of the gifts we got and decorations.
bottles and socks from Kirby
Precious shoes that match a precious dress Kirby got Lexie. But the pic of the dress wouldn’t turn out!
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Kirby’s sister made this for the baby. So sweet!
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Bows and headband from Kirby.
A few essentials from Julie
The picture doesn’t show it, but these are bands that have Lexi’s name on them for her sippy cups and bottles! Thank you, Julie. =)
Teddy Bear from Kirby’s fiance, “Uncle Brett”
bag and goodies from Heather and Droopy
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| Essentials from Ms. Nicky and Jodi |
Beautiful, hand painted letters from Jessica! The picture distorted the colors some and does NOT do them justice.
Tutu and GermX from Whitney. Germ X will be on the entry hall table for guests. =) haha
Ahhh! The headbands and letters for her wall are SO freaking cute!!
Oh, Meg! You are my little worry wart. I know there are a lot of variables and a lot of “new” things for you to sort out. When Lexie gets ready to make her grand entrance, you’ll be surprised at how naturally you just “know” what to do and the it will be the same when you and J.Tom bring her home. So much of what we need to know God has so mercifully “built in”. Isn’t He wonderful? You have a wonderful husband and he will be right there beside you. Such a blessing! You have a family and friends that love all 3 of you. I am so happy and blessed to have YOU in my life. You have been blessed with all the lovely and useful gifts. Is there anything else that you need? If so, please let me know. Love and prayers, Auntie
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